per una nuova cultura della comunicazione

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Dalla magia del rapport alle relazioni virtuose

La comunicazione è magia…

E’ molto potente, in grado di modificare la realtà nostra e degli altri. Con il linguaggio possiamo creare emozioni, influenzando noi stessi e le persone con cui entriamo in contatto.
John Grinder e Richard Bandler hanno introdotto il concetto di programmazione neurolinguistica, o PNL, per indicare che la nostra mente, come un computer, funziona in base a programmi. Questi programmi, contrariamente a quanto spesso si è portati a credere, non sono innati, impressi nel nostro DNA, ma cominciano ad essere appresi fin da quando incomincia la vita stessa. I cinque sensi (vista, udito, olfatto, gusto, tatto) sono le nostre porte verso il mondo. E’ attraverso di loro che noi percepiamo la realtà e modelliamo la nostra immagine della realtà. Un’infinità di segnali arrivano contemporaneamente ai nostri occhi e alle nostre orecchie. C’è bisogno di semplificare, di concentrare l’attenzione solo su quei segnali che riteniamo importanti. Il criterio di selezione dipende dai nostri filtri sensoriali e da altri fattori come le convinzioni che condizionano le esperienze e le esperienze che hanno formato le convinzioni….
Incominciamo molto presto a filtrare le informazioni e ad elaborarle secondo schemi mentali che andiamo a costruire nel tempo in base al nostro vissuto e alle nostre percezioni, assolutamente soggettive. Quando impariamo a codificare i nostri pensieri per comunicare, utilizziamo un linguaggio. Ad ogni parola attribuiamo un significato, una serie di emozioni legate a ciò che quella parola evoca in noi. Ecco perché la programmazione è detta “neurolinguistica”.
Tutti noi abbiamo una collezione di parole “magiche” che ci fanno sentire felici e, viceversa, detestiamo altre parole perché queste risvegliano nella nostra mente ricordi dolorosi o sgradevoli. Il punto affascinante è che ciascuno di noi riesce a costruirsi una propria mappa del territorio, mappa che, naturalmente, come tutte le mappe di questo mondo, è soltanto una rappresentazione della realtà, con sconti, approssimazioni e addirittura distorsioni.
Essere consapevoli di questi meccanismi mentali può essere di grande aiuto per stare meglio e per comunicare più efficacemente con le persone che ci stanno accanto.
Addirittura possiamo dire che, modellando opportunamente i nostri pensieri, aumenteremo le nostre probabilità di successo. Quando siamo giù di tono, rendiamo inevitabilmente di meno ed è meno probabile che riusciamo ad ottenere ciò che vogliamo. Quando invece stiamo bene, siamo in piena forma, abbiamo la convinzione di farcela, è molto più probabile che ne usciamo vittoriosi.
Il pensiero influenza la fisiologia e viceversa. Il modo in cui ci sentiamo ci fa entrare nel ruolo del vincente e ci mette nella condizione di raggiungere gli obiettivi. E’ come se indossassimo un abito magico.
Questo grande potere sta in quella parte della mente che chiamiamo “inconscio”. E’ l’inconscio ad essere responsabile dell’apprendimento, del comportamento e del cambiamento. Si può cambiare in qualunque momento, a qualunque età. Basta volerlo! Il cambiamento non solo è possibile ma è insito nella natura. Tutto cambia, tutto è in perpetua evoluzione, tutto si trasforma continuamente. Sarebbe follia pensare che solo gli esseri umani possano sottrarsi a questa legge naturale.
La magia della comunicazione consiste soprattutto nello stabilire una “relazione virtuosa” con l’altro. E’ ciò che Grinder e Bandler chiamano “entrare in rapport”. Significa di fatto rispettare il modello del mondo dell’altro, prenderne atto e adeguarsi ad esso.
Ben sappiamo che il risultato della comunicazione sta in chi riceve il messaggio. Non ci sono cattivi allievi, ci sono professori che non riescono ad entrare in contatto con i propri studenti. Non esiste un pubblico che oppone resistenza, c’è solo un comunicatore poco flessibile.
Dunque, per convincere qualcuno e indurlo a cambiare atteggiamento o comportamento è necessario stabilire un “rapport”. Ciò significa entrare nell’inconscio dell’altro. Non è vero che gli opposti si attraggono. Vale invece il contrario. Noi amiamo le persone che hanno caratteristiche simili alle nostre, che hanno mappe mentali sovrapponibili, almeno in parte. Quando riconosciamo nell’altro qualcosa che ci somiglia, ci sentiamo “a casa”, a nostro agio. Per acquisire la fiducia dell’altro, per entrare in relazione, occorre ricercare o evidenziare ciò che accomuna piuttosto che accentuare le differenze.
La comunicazione “magica” diventa seduzione. Seduzione, nel suo significato originale, implica il condurre con sé, l’accompagnare il nostro interlocutore verso un cambiamento in un clima di fiducia reciproca.
Voglio concludere con due citazioni.

La prima è di Richard Bandler: “Invece di perdere tempo nel domandarti il perché delle cose, usa il tuo tempo per fare delle cose che possano avere successo”.
La seconda è di Lao Tse: “ Il mutamento delle situazioni non si può fissare. Fissandolo in una regola si mancherebbe il bersaglio”.

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